How to keep the nastiness out of divorce

By: Helen Thewlis

Date: 19 July 2017

How to keep the nastiness out of divorceDivorce, particularly in families where children are involved, is never easy. However, in order to ensure the dissolution of the marriage runs as smoothly as possible, it is essential for both parties to leave their emotions to one side and take a mature, level-headed approach.

If you are going through a divorce at the moment, you have our sympathy – here are our tips for keeping the nastiness and pettiness out of what is an already a very stressful situation.

Keep your private thoughts private

There's no doubt that you will have a number of negative thoughts about your former spouse and you may also have feelings of guilt, frustration, shame and anger. However, there is a time and place for you to express these feelings.

There will be times you will need to come into contact with your former spouse to discuss the details of your divorce and any issues that may affect your children. During these discussions, your focus should be on the issue at hand; try not to say something you may regret later.

Find a way to move forward without blame

The end of a relationship is likely to create emotional distress for all those involved. Negative emotions can encourage those involved to pass blame on to their former partner, and resort to punishment. The impulse to punish your former spouse will not heal your own emotional turmoil, and will only add to the trauma for everyone involved.

Do not involve your children

No matter how angry and hurt you feel, there's no excuse for placing your children in the middle of your divorce. This experience is just as confusing for them and they will have their own issues to deal with at this time. It is a good idea to establish ground rules about talking to the other parent early on in divorce proceedings.

Choose a lawyer carefully

With the right lawyer's help, you can focus on the division of assets and childcare arrangements as effectively as possible, without letting your feelings get in the way. Always check if your legal advisor has the credentials you need and has experience with conflict resolution.

Take revenge out of the equation

Many people going through a divorce want to get revenge on their former spouse and make them feel as much pain as they may be feeling. While this can give some short-term release, there are no positives from taking this approach and you may end up feeling worse off in the long term.

No matter how the decision to divorce was reached, you need to focus on the issues that stem from this. It is highly unlikely, if not impossible, that you will be able to reach a fair and reasonable conclusion if you are harbouring feelings of revenge.

Remember that divorce is not the end of your life

Feelings of failure and shame are commonplace for those going through divorce proceedings, but it is important not to dwell on this forever. Once the sadness subsides, there is an opportunity to learn and grow as a person, and enjoy a fresh start and a better life.

Sponsored post. Copyright © 2017 Helen Thewlis is head of family law at Ramsdens Solicitors.